It’s almost Christmas. I am pretty sure that I have no job for next year, and my career plan gets reshaped about every 3 days. One of my good friends here is about to get married and like lemmings it seem 2 more are following suit in the next few months. By the time I leave I will be the only single male at my site. Mostly though I have been alone now in my own world for almost 100 days. I am half way round the globe in a place that has given me the clarity to see the world without sheltered eyes.
Tonight as I went home by bus, I waited in the dark because of the power cuts. As we approached the station there were about ten police officers waiting for something apparently. Not a day goes by that I don’t see someone suffering. I am never unsafe or threatened but if I were them, I would beat the ever-living snot out of me. Not cause I did anything, but for all the things I stand for.
So as I sit here having a crisis of my person, career, and society, I am doing a lot of soul searching. Just know that for every one thing I criticize about the world, I am working myself over the coals 10x over. I don’t mean to upset anyone; I am just trying to find a higher meaning for in life. I could use feedback on this one. Break throughs don’t come easy when you argue stuff back and forth in your own head. In fact sometimes I feel I am closer to crazy than to a better life for all.
Anyway, Peace and Love to all you guys.
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3 comments:
No, I totally know what you mean. It's really hard to see all of the pain and suffering in people, but then see how they aren't beating the shit out of you, when you're coming from a country that doesn't experience it like they do. I think it's important to remember though, and maybe this is just have a fake peace of mind, that you are doing something more than sitting at home, drinking your Starbucks and driving your Hummer. You're there. I'm learning that here. I keep hearing, "US government...very bad, people, very good." I think they can recognize that we're coming from somewhere different and more affluent, but the fact that we're there, with them, riding the bus, does mean something. In fact, I think they understand accompaniment more than I do. I don't feel like I'm ever thanked for what I do, but I consider each day that nobody kicks me in the teeth for being an American a lovely Hallmark "Thank you" card.
As for life plans, I'm glad you're struggling. If it was easy, then you wouldn't be as invested in it. I can give you the cliqued "Have faith" and "If it's meant to be, it will be" kinda stuff, but just be with it. "Be still and know that I am God." You have a new life plan every day, because you COULD do anything. It's a matter of figuring out what you SHOULD do. And remember, as I have to remember, you only need to maybe figure out next year...not the next decade. :)
I have nothing real encouraging to say...
I just thought you should know...that I have no job for this year either...and I might be waiting for you in BR when you come back.
Things have been changing every day for me too. Lots of questions, and any answers that come aren't ever clear cut.
Go figure.
-Stephanie
Hi David! We missed you at Christmas! I hope you keep writing here so I can keep up with the good works you are doing! - your cousin Jennifer
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